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Mi Ti Doughty Walker (Revised)
There was an abandoned hunting lodge that was settled miles away from the nearest town. The hunting lodge was reported to be so haunted that everyone was terrified to enter. Nobody would dare stay there overnight. Legend had it, every night at midnight, a bloody severed head fell down the chimney. The bloody head belonged to an adulterous husband who built the hunting lodge in 1949. It only operated during the day, but always closed at night, and for a very good reason. One day, a wealthy couple entered a restaurant. After hearing about the haunted house, they offered two million dollars to whoever was brave enough to spend an entire night in the hunting lodge. But with one stipulation: If you forefeit, you do not get any money. Though the hunting lodge had long-since been abandoned, the husband, who was an architect, ordered power and water restored in the lodge to make the visitors more comfortable and be provided with heat because it got cold that time of night. None of the patrons inside the restaurant would take him up on his bet until a 20-something young man stepped forward and raised his hand. The guy announced that he would spend the night in the haunted house as long as he could bring his down and iPod with him. The couple agreed and it was settled. The next evening, the young man set off for the haunted hunting lodge with his trusty Tibetan Mastiff following close behind. As he entered the dreary establishment, his hand fumbled and felt along the wall for a light switch. He flicked it, and to his surprise, lights came on. He was told before hand that the place had been cleaned up, with power and water restored. Despite the fact that hunting lodge smelled partially musty, it still looked nice, and trophies of various hunts adorned the living room. Fresh logs were laid out near the fireplace, waiting to be lit. So the young man laid out the logs, pulled a lighter out of his pocket and started the fire in the fireplace. The fresh smell of cedar drifted from the wood, and now the gentle crackle of the fire wood killed the silence... For now. After a while of exploring, he got hungry. He pulled from his backpack, a pack of crackers, deviled ham spread, and a summer sausage, and began eating. He also opened a can of dog food which he found in the kitchen of the lodge and fed it to his dog. After they were wined and dined, the young man laid on the nicely-coushined leather couch with his dog and waited for morning to arrive. For the next few hours, nothing happened, and he was already starting to get bored. So to pass the time, he decided to call his girlfriend to let her know he was okay and to talk to her, then play some music on his mp3 player. So far, so good. Hearing his girlfriend's voice calmed his nerves and his boredom was relieved from the tunes he was listening to. Then, a little after midnight, when his iPod died, he thought he heard a strange noise over the crackling of the fire and the creaking of the house. It sounded like it was coming from somewhere out in the woods. Someone or something was singing a haunting, somber, tune... Softly and sadly, the voice sung... "Mi Ti Dough-Ty Walker..." The voice sounded like it was played on a loud speaker out in the woods, at maximum volume. The young man stared out the window of the living room and just about crapped his pants. "What. The. Fuck?" he asked himself. Then, his dog answered the tune in the same somber voice: "Lynchy-Kinchy-Colly-Molly-Dingo-Dingo." The young man could hardly believe his ears. His dog had never uttered a word before. He looked at the joint he had smoked earlier and said to himself that he was just hallucinating. A few minutes later, the young man heard the voice singing again, only it sounded much closer and louder than ever before. "Mi-Ti-Dough-Ty-Walker," sung the eerie voice. The dog replied again, "Lynch-Kinchy-Colly-Molly-Dingo-Dingo." The guy was really tripping out. He thought he had gotten his hands on some really strong weed and he was actually hallucinating everything. He kept telling himself it wasn't real, but it was. He was afraid that whoever was lurking in the woods would hear his dog singing and slaughter them both. A few minutes later, the boy heard the voice singing again, now it was 20-feet away. "MI TI DOUGH-TY WALKER!" it cried, but with more malevolence in the voice. The dog sang back louder, more angrier "LYNCHEE, KINCHY, COLLY MOLLY, DINGO DINGO!" A few minutes later, the boy heard the same voice singing again. Now it was coming from down the chimney. "MI TI DOUGH-TY WALKER!" it screamed. The voice was right on top of them! Again, the dog replied: "LYNCHEE KINCHY, COLLY MOLLY, DINGO DINGO!" Suddenly, a bloody severed head fell down the chimney. It missed the fire and landed near the dog. The pooch glanced at it and fell over dead from fright. Then, the dismembered head turned and stared at the young man. It slowly opened its mouth and screamed. No response. The head screamed again until it couldn't no more. Then, the cranium asked: "What's the matter, kid, aren't ya scared?" The young man, clasping a near-empty bottle of Wild Turkey whiskey, beer cans all over the floor and littering the coffee table, replied very drunkenly: "Dude... I'm-- trying to g-get w-w-wasted and you're being a... an open can of bu--buzzkill." The next day, the rich couple, along with the young man's girlfriend and his dad, came to check on him. They found him laying on the couch, suffering a severe hangover, his body feeling like he was in a car wreck. The dad gave his son some coffee to perk him up, and the rich husband handed the young man a check for 2 million dollars. It was revealed that the dad gave his son a 24-pack of beer, and his girlfriend gave him some pot (through her mother) to help him get through the night. After discovering her boyfriend got a check for 2 million dollars, he never had to work a day in his life again. Category:Ghosts Category:Places Category:Humor